Archive for May, 2007


I can’t write

May 30, 2007

I’ve had the continual assault of thousands of thoughts, not thousands of unique thoughts, probably about 50 to 100 on loop.  Some of them are story arcs that are trying to find their way onto my screen and the pages of my moleskin.  Some of them are business ideas I can’t seem to figure out a way to start on.  Some of them are these doubts that keep popping up, these realizations of how far I’ve walked away from both the naive and the profound beliefs of my childhood.  None of these things are finding their ways to fruition.

For some unknown reason though I’ve also decided to start two other blogs.  One is called The Zealot Speaks.  To be honest, I’m not sure what it is going to be about but the idea of Zealots appeals to me, probably because I’m so far from being one right now.

The other is Stories and Fables.  I’m hoping to start writing some short stories, part of the previous mentioning of ideas on loops.  If I can start to weave out some of these characters who are plagging my imagination perhaps I will be able to think more coherently.

I’m hoping to start blogging, even if it is short blogs, once a day starting next week.  Will I be able to do it?  Probably not, but it is nice to have goals.



May 26, 2007

I’ve been plagued by doubt over the last few weeks. One thing that has been driving me up the wall is just the realization of the massive amount of time that has passed by since the universe began.

Since I’ve been able to think rationally I’ve never believed in a 6,000 year old earth. Science has done a pretty convincing job of proving that wrong. Looking up Homo Sapiens on Wikipedia reveals that we’ve been around for 120,000 years. That leaves 114,000 years of time that humans were around but what went on during those years is not recorded in the bible.

I was thinking about this and starting to wonder if I’d bought into a lie when something occurred to me which frequently tears down the issues I face in terms of what science says. This would be Jesus. Something you cannot escape is the fact that a person showed up roughly 2,000 years ago and, without writing anything down, managed to convince a group of the lowest of the low that he was God. These lowest of the low, in the face of overwhelming opposition, also began to tell other people this story of the God who became man and took on the faults of the world.  They managed to convince a lot of people, and the movement exploded, taking off on an unprecedented scale.

You can’t escape Jesus. You can’t point to science, which has believed many wrong things in the past and will continue to believe wrong things into the future, and say Jesus didn’t exist. He did exist. You can say he didn’t come back from the dead, but as I’ve written earlier, you would be ignoring all the circumstantial evidence.

I’m always left with taking Jesus over what science has to say about faith. Because science can’t explain him away.


To start running…

May 24, 2007

I can’t really think much these days.  I’m overcome by ennui and when it’s not ennui it is just plain fear and sadness.  Sometimes all I want to do is just go, I don’t know where, but to start running.  Start running and keep running until the world makes sense or you don’t have to think about it anymore.  I think I’ll keep the music loud so I can’t hear my thoughts.


Existing Peripherally

May 16, 2007

How long is it before everyone is a familiar face? I realized today that there are a number of people who I have begun “knowing” without ever meeting them. Though this has happened before, i.e. with pen pals, this is the first time that it happens where only one party is privy to this knowledge.

In a way it is like when you are being told by a friend about one of their friends. On facebook, I’ll browse photos of a friend and start to see recurring people in their photos. Do I learn a lot about these people? No, I’m not so much of a stalker to start looking them up. However these photos reveal things about them, at least in the social group they are repeatedly seen in. You see the friendliness and happiness, or you see the people who are always on opposite sides of the pictures, the envious glances at the others girlfriend.

You start to know these people in a weird way. What is fascinating for me is that I have often thought of people and then asked myself whether they think of me as often or at all. What is bizarre is that these people I know only from photos have no reason to know I exist. We exist peripherally, our social networks touch but the only reason I know of their existence is due to them being one, two, or sometimes three people removed from me.

It is said there are one only has 5 degrees of separation from everyone else on the planet. It seems like we are now at a point where anyone who is connected to a myspace or facebook community can start to look past the degrees of separation and see these people they may never meet. In some ways it is scary, in others it is fascinating beyond words.